More things I'm thankful for

1. That everything went smoothly for James this morning.

2. That my family, for the most part is healthy, happy, and safe.

3. Those 5 minutes I get to spend with my son, our faces nearly touching, before he goes to bed.

4. Vacation days - VEGAS, HERE WE COME!

5. That moment when you realize WHY something that you THOUGHT was a bad thing happened actually turned out to be a GREAT thing.

6. Finding meaning in my life

7. Enjoying my job and knowing what I do makes a real difference in people's lives. I feel sorry for those who go to a job they hate every day and achieve nothing but a paycheck.

8. Ikea

Random things I'm thankful for...

1. When my son tires to sneak in bed with me at night and he puts his hand in mine, knowing if he does this, I won't kick him out of my room.

2. The positivity my friends cram down my throat despite the fact that I'm choking on their rainbow. Tastes better once it's down.

3. Skittles!

4. The wonderful turnout at this year's March for Babies and the fact that we raised more money than EVER before!

5. That I don't work right next door to a Sprinkles.

6. Ms. Traci for giving me that stuff she uses in James' hair.

7. The amazing people I work with every day.

8. Watermelon martinis

9. The folks at Nissan - despite my "check engine" light being on for almost a year for a pricey fix, the car is STILL running. *knock on wood*

10. My mom - still having happy thoughts of Mother's Day!

Another Intro - 5 Things

So, things have changed drastically from my last post. Reading THAT was a little disappointing. All the same, I think I need to change the focus of this blog to be more of a list. I mean, there are still plenty of things that my son teaches me every day. As he gets older, it seems those lessons come at me on an almost daily basis. However, there has been so much negativity in my life in the past 9 months that I feel like I gotta turn it around. Don't get me wrong - things are getting better. Much better. But I think it wouldn't help to give that ball one last nudge to get it rolling.

The latter half of 2009 just plain sucked. Emotionally, medically, spiritually, mentally, any kind of negative noun you could make into an adjective. My resolution on New Years Eve (which is probably up there in my Top 5 nights for 2010, I might add!) was to not necessarily forget the past, but to learn from it. Acknowledge the scars that hit me in September, October, AND November and roll with it. Not to dwell on what I no longer had, but to appreciate the things I did.

My pal Crystina suggested I start this about 8 months ago, so I guess now I've finally gotten around to it.

Rule #8 - "Once you pop, you can't stop"....allegedly

I have never been the one who was baby obsessed.

The mere thought of being pregnant caused me to sweat, and actually BEING pregnant was no picnic either. I never thought I would have children, based on the fact that I hate pain. I am a 100% wussified pansy and cannot take anything on a pain threshold over a paper cut. Even at that, I milk everyone I can for the sympathy I can get from a little flap of skin hanging off of my hand. I planned on having children on the day they could just zap them right out of you.

Being pregnant, as I mentioned, was no picnic. It wasn't all bad though. I enjoyed having the company and before he got strong enough to bruise my insides, feeling James and his squirrely self wiggling around was pretty cool. More importantly, I knew that no matter what - this kid had no choice but to love me right away. He could hate me after a few years of knowing me, but right off the bat, he had no choice.

I, like many new moms, was scared to death of not being able to care for him. I could barely take care of myself a times, and thought there was no way that this baby would be fed and dressed everyday. I greatly underestimated myself. Don't get me wrong - the first few months sucked. I'm not going to sugar coat it. "Oh yay, there's a new baby and he's so precious!" Sure. But that sure as hell didn't make up for the fact that he had his bouts of colic and I was home alone with him. When his dad was home, James was sleeping. When his dad went to work for his 14 or 15 hour shift, James acted as if he hated me. I couldn't take it. I was battling some pretty bad post-partum depression. My support was alternating between my best friend and my mom for about 2 hours every other day.

And yet...

I survived. More importantly, James survived. I no longer have to question my abilities because I've been there. And my reward is my 2-year-old buddy who just cannot get enough of me. He kisses me more than I find myself wishing he would. Which is just fine with me!

But the point of this ramble - I'm making plans for baby #2. Of course I want to have my career laid out and this looks like it could take some time, but the realization that I'm almost 30 is making me feel awfully rushed. Ideally, I'd like James to be a big brother by the time he enters kindergarten. Will that happen? Doubtful. But I can hope. I had a conversation with my best friend the other day about how we'd get pregnant at the same time and be all giddy and do stupid "we're pregnant together" stuff...it's all talk. You can do whatever you want in your own make-believe world. But I'm hoping SOME DAY it will happen. SOME DAY Evan won't treat the idea of another child like a disease. SOME DAY I won't have to think about how I'm going to have to steal someone else's kid.

Rule #7 - Nudity will make you giggle, no matter what age you are

This weekend we had James' birthday party. Before the big ho-down, Evan, James, and my 11-year-old niece stopped at Fry's to pick up some last minute party snacks. James has a "thing" for my niece and just thinks she's probably the most important person in the world, next to Elmo. He refers to her as "my" before saying her name and was saying her name long before he habitually started calling me "mama" or Evan "daddy". And to top it off....her name's a little more complicated than most.

Well, my 11-year-old niece also has a cell phone. She's had one for a while, and to be honest, I'm not 100% sure why. I don't really know what I would have done with a cell phone when I was 11, but that's beside the point. What I know she DOES do, is text. She also sends picture messages. So while we're at the store, my phone beeps I get THIS picture message from my niece:



Now I love my niece very much, but imagine my horror at the "spring break" picture my niece just sent me of my 2-year-old son....oh, and the other 7 people she sent the photo to.

Yes, she may as well be working for "Girls Gone Wild". That picture went out to so many people in such a short time, that I had a moment of panic of how James would be furious at me in about 15 years or so. I freaked on my niece and freaked at James. They just laughed.

Fast forward to today when I'm sitting on the couch. James has been in "super-charged, I just drank 10 red bulls" mode all day and he gets real quiet. Quiet, in my house at least, has become somewhat of an eerie sign. I wasn't in a panic yet, however, because he was in my line of sight. In fact, he was standing right in front of me.

We make eye contact.

His smile could not get any bigger as he bunches the bottom of his shirt and starts to say "whhhhooooaaaaaa". He says it really slow to emphasize what happens next. And what happens, is James, in all his glory (and in front of my poor grandma and aunt) just lifts up his shirt and flashes me.

I'm just staring at him and he's the most still he's been all day....showing me all that he's got. All I think is..."wow. This is almost as interesting as when he locked me in the laundry room and when he let me out had somehow dropped his pants around his ankles."

But I had to laugh. How could you not?! And besides...when James makes me laugh, he seems to love me just that much more. So I'll laugh all day for him.

P.S. I know I've inadvertently just shared that photo with the entire world, but at least I'm his mother. I can do whatever I want. :)

Rule #6 - Payback is a...well, it sucks

So today was "Picture Day". My son turns 2 in a few weeks so I thought I'd go ahead and bring him in for his yearly photo at the local Wal-Mart. We did them at Wal-Mart last year and had no complaints. When you have a small child and dunno whether they have agreed with you that this is Picture Day as well or not, it's best not to spend too much money on your photos. Plus...I had a coupon!

Anyway, so Evan also left for Texas today for a work conference too. It was a rough morning for everyone. I decided that if we left the house for photos at the same time he left for the airport, then goodbyes wouldn't last as long or be as hard. But that also meant we were 30 minutes early for our photo appointment. I refuled the Mom-mobile and asked James about his thoughts on a carwash. (I've been having quite a few of those lapses in judgement lately.)

James was completely terrified. I have never seen him that scared for that long and it broke my heart that I couldn't just accelerate through the wash. (I coulda, but I'm not sure I could afford the insurance if I had rear ended the guy in front of me.) He was shaking from the fear and putting his fists in his mouth (which, come to think of, was an amazing task). I tried my best to comfort him -- heck, I thought I was going to have to drive to the hospital next after my 2-year-old suffered from a heart attack! I tried holding his hand and comforting him the best I could from behind the wheel. When it was finally over, I pulled into a parking lot and jumped into the backseat with him. He was still crying and I felt like the worst mother in the world. After about 5 minutes of reassuring him that we were done and that I loved him and I was sorry, he stopped crying.

Picture time! (Nothing like traumatizing your child before that!)

Needless to say, James got his payback. He wasn't sad and cranky at all. He was happy as can be. But he insisted on running around the "studio" and going NOWHERE near where the photographer wanted him. When he did, he was posing with the Gene Simmons tongue. His Auntie was there. That did nothing for him. He had a huge assortment of toys at his feet...nothing. After 20 minutes of trying to keep him sitting in one area, we called it quits and rescheduled.

I think NEXT time, I would even let him drive us there if he wanted to. Or I could explain the truth about Elmo....then I wouldn't get a picture for years.

Rule #5 - Ninja turtles may be cute, but they still smell like sewage

Over the next week and a half, Evan will be preoccupied with work. He's doing some overtime this week and on Sunday he leaves for TX to do a conference. James has the uncanny way of knowing, however, that it'll just be him and me at home.

Yesterday, I went to pick James up from daycare. At first he looked all adorable, playing on the teeter-totter with some other kid. When he saw me and started running my way, it was all in slow motion. I could see his hair matted on his head looking like someone had poured grease with bits of grass and sticks on him. His shirt was covered in mud spots and he had pieces of dried up grass placed in various places on (and in some places IN) his face. The smell hit me before he did. My son smelled like he had been playing in a sewer. He hugged me and started to leave while I desperately tried to get an explanation from someone about his state.

Apparently, the playground has a nice little area where the air conditioning units leak condensation onto the ground. There's a nice little puddle there and that afternoon, James got first dibs on jumping into it and taking his soaked hands and "combing" his hair. My mother would have been horrified if she had seen him. I just figured, "boys will be boys"...but the smell!!! It's probably the first time I've ever seen him and greeted him with a nice pat on the shoulder instead of a hug. (Again, call me a bad mother if you'd like, but you soooo weren't there!)

Needless to say, bath time was a blast. (You'd think I was water boarding him, the way he freaks out.) There were pieces of everything imaginable weaved into his hair and it took quite a long time to get it all out.

The whole night wasn't a bust, though. James was very talkative last night and although I only understand about a 1/4 of what he says, it was nice to think he might be telling me about his day. I know I at least was asking all the correct leading questions. I began telling James about my day and the things we would have planned for the weekend and he responded pretty well with a ("yeah?"). I must have gotten carried away though when in the middle of me telling him we would have to find him a cute outfit for pictures this month he says "Ma!" and when I say "what?", responds with a finger up his nose and says "Sshhhhh!"

So he picks his nose when he tells me to be quiet and he plays in nasty water. His hair is ALWAYS sticking up and looks like a wreck, no matter what. But despite all of that, he'll always be cute to me.